inferiority complex thy suffer…

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I dont want to make a big deal about this. I dont even buy the papers but still, for  limelight sake….

Sunday. The Star . June 3. 2007.

  Caring for other trekkers

While some students are cleaning up the environment on the ground,
Sunway University College (SyUc) Canadian International Matriculation
Programme students are doing it in higher altitudes amidst spectacular
views and fresh air.

But the situation is not as breathtaking beautiful as it may seem.

Instead, students are left to deal with campsites defaced with garbage and graffiti left behind by selfish visitors. 

Led by English lecturer Tan Meng Chwen, the Trekking Club has between
10 and 20 students who have trekked up several hills and mountains
around the peninsula, cleaning up along the way.

Their latest gotong-royong, on
Monday, was a five-hour night trek up Gunung Irau in picturesque
Cameron Highlands, where they were met with the depressing sight of all
kinds of trash – shoes, socks, tin cans, mineral water bottles and
glass ones, to name a few.

“Gunung Irau is so enchanting, like
a scene right out of a fairytale with the mossy trees and lush
landscape, but the plain laziness of visitors has tarnished its beauty
and is giving a bad image to our country,” says student Farah Hanani
Shamsuddin, 19.

Her coursemate Muhammed Ikwan, from Indonesia, concurs.

“There’s so much trash that sometimes it doesn’t make any difference even after we’ve cleaned up as much as we can.

“It’s unbelievable how inconsiderate some campers can be. This exercise
is definitely a wake-up call to trekkers to take their garbage back
with them and not leave anything behind,” says the 17-year old.

The group came down with seven large garbage bags of trash, with one
weighing as much as 7kg – which called for a lot for work when they
were trekking downhill. 

On their earlier excursion several weeks ago, the team brought down 26 bags of trash from Gunung Datuk in Negri Sembilan.

They had also taken up five litres of thinner and patiently removed graffiti from rocks at the peak.

“Although performing 10 hours of community service is compulsory for
the students to graduate, many have joined the treks of their own
will,” says Tan.

“Some have complained that it has been physical torture and mental
anguish, but it has also given them a new sense of appreciation of
nature.

“It is also a way for them to give back to society.” 

Sunday June 3, 2007

Save the world!

There are lots that can be done to help protect the environment. Take a
look at some of the initiatives taken by schools and students in a bid
to do their bit. Perhaps they may spur you to think of ways through
which you too can make the world cleaner and greener.

Hey, me in orange!

(3) Sunway University College English lecturer Tan Meng Chwen (in red T-shirt), his
colleague in the Canadian International Matriculation Programme Nancy Litman
(fifth from left) and a group of students with the 26 bags of trash they had collected
during a recent trek up Gunung Datuk in Negri Sembilan. – SUNWAY UNIVERSITY
COLLEGE

                                           The Scroll

When graduation came, I thought it was an abrupt end to a perfect album of beautiful memories. I’m still rankled with the fact CIMP had finished and the ugly robes, ending speeches by foreign officials and the technical formalities of graduation ceremony does not justify at all the colourful journey I had endured with CIMP.

I had this chance of reading a blog of a good friend of mine who always had been my conscience and helped me put my feet on the ground. She had a grand moment which she rightfully deserved during graduation and ah, now I understand why she was being very distant. I never thought I was the sort of person who would intimidate anyone considering my larger than life lists of insecurities; bad handwriting, procrastination issues, organization failure, blurrish conception towards life, extreme case of a forgetter, clueless perception at figures, heck, I was even afraid of butterflies.

A pathetic wreck, that is I.

                                Anxious faces of graduands

    The funny thing about expectations is that they are externally inflicted; where people’s opinions, ideas, perspectives came mingling together to produce a carbon copy description of what a person is like. Most of the time, exaggeration came into play. And the person may enjoy good image which one could not undo even though it’s untrue because it was not ones’ own doing, it was everyone else’s. But people often ignore the fact to consider the untrue part; the part that the potential of falling short of what people believed which that person had exasperatedly tried to dawn in everyone’s minds but failed nonetheless.

              "Glad that now ure finished eh?"-Dr Rosemary

Hence, it was an occurrence that I could not have prevented. I may not have the slightest intention of intimidating people around but hey, we all know how this vicious cycle of perception works. My hands are tied and my best wishes are may she earned and enjoy her satisfaction. I am actually releived.

I look forward in clearing the bad air between us because only now I know what is exactly wrong.

Dwarfed by two compelling figures;Ms Baptista and Mr Varga ( Geometry)

Valedictorian Kourosh and Mr Tall trekker’Tan Meng Chwen’(English)

                The Mac-trotting, sheepish Mr Manny Avila ( Calculus)

                                Witty Mr Gillich ( Physics)

Kimberley Gagnon, the spunky go-get-em Chemistry champion.                                               

I would like to thank all my lecturers and my TNB friends who helped me cruise along the final week of exams when I was at the clueless point of my life which seem to happen quite oftenly. Thank you for being my confidant and letting me bother you when I complain too much when everything looks grey.

I heart everyone!

            180507-Pleasant Surprise Birthday Party

P/S. Lecturer not in picture is Ms Norashimah ( Interdisciplinary Studies). I could not find her around the crowded room but she was one fine teacher, thats for sure..

I would love to talk about the Irau experience and its wondrous fantasy-like vegetation, but weighing back,  I would have to give it a pass and talk about matters that are much  more important.

I want to talk about how Farah Hanani learnt a big lesson to never, ever, ever underestimate the willpower of humans.

I’ve trekked in the dark before and I have to confess it was not one of the most pleasant experience I’ve ever had. When Irau demands another dark trek, dread awaits in form of knots in my stomach.

Danger, impaired-vision, frustration, energy-sapping, impatience, a bruised back , extreme hunger, nefarious bumps on head-these are all my loving memories of the last night trek, with nothing on the back.

Now, imagine my swallowed air when the majority chose to trek anyway, even though the day was getting dark, and the loads are full and pressing our back with a vengeance. The set of people that makes the majority are mostly first-timers, and my seasoned air persona lurched out with worry. Do they realize what they are getting their feet in?

This is when the lesson starts.

Halfway to the muddy ,wet and dark trek, a sense of déjà vu’ one by one began to take shape.

First, Hidayat falling down over and over again.

Second, the leading pact extends its gap so much I began to hate people around me

(Darkness can do wonders with your emotion)

Third,  the sense of worry wether the first times are becoming to regret trekking for life having to endure such arduous experience in exchange with comfy beds and feeling guilty since the champion of any trekking-related  cause was in fact, me.

Fourth, my torchlights ran out of batteries and the frustration of having to rely on others source of light made me hate trekking for that one little moment, once again.

Shortly, we stopped for a breather.

Mr Varga (after assessing the dark night, sprawling roots and mud as deep as quicksand):

“Now, we turn back or continue?”

The answer was a resounding “CONTINUE”.

Miss Litman even emphasized the collective feelings by chirping “Turn back? Are you kidding me?”

Lesson no 1- Being overly-protective might not be in everyone’s’ interest.

Humbly, I have to confess, I was among the silent dissenters from the pact continuing the journey. Apart from the reason that I would like to see the how would have the forest looked like ( it was a different type of forest see, a mossy one), and it was obviously easier to have perfect vision during the day, it was also perhaps a matter of me being overly protective.

In pursuit to shield others from the ugly side of trekking; the exhaustion, the inconvenience, the dirt, the hassle, I forgot that we are after all human beings who are confident, adaptable, inconceivable species.

Some might think its an act of underestimation but little did they know that I was in truth, afraid.

Afraid that I will be subject of people’s fury for sweet talking into involving them for a bitter ride.

Afraid because I had deceived them it is not always a bed of roses as portrayed. I had witness a living poof of a faltering spirit before. And it wasn’t at all pleasant .Even though he never did admit or talk about it, the poof that he never joined any of our treks afterwards were enough to be understood. The tricky part was, once you have seen an innocent fell victim to the deception , I don’t want anyone else to feel the same way too.

Hence, my catious posture towards newbies.

Because what they had seen are beaming faces, water-splashing, team strengthening, fun-filled  activities of trekking seen though a commercial-like slide show and word of mouth which are waaay far from reality.

But I forgot this little fact that there are people who came back for more and didn’t think at all, that the whole journey was a deception. It was in fact, a time of their lives. And the people who came along for the first time might as well be one.

Throughout journey, I’m aware myself for being awfully quiet for I was a bit uncomfortable with the expenses being paid by someone else and I thought it was a little unfair. If one cant afford one, act like one.

It was a last minute call of decision, and frankly speaking , I am not at all prepared mentally and physically.

The shoes was two size too big ( Dad’s), the cotton pants, the reluctant mother’s approval, the motion sickness, the empty wallet….

Lesson no 2- Stop making excuses and admit it.

Here I go again, yakking like an old-grandmother.

As of late, the escapism mode was in use quite frequently because it was a hard pill to swallow if I say it out loud that I am not at all psyched to go.

Mainly because I am neglecting another responsibility, which I had been neglecting for so long. The chance to make up coincide with my dream Irau experience and therefore scaling up Irau, I dragged along a baggage which I think affected the mood.

Lesson no 3- The balancing act of accepting weakness and not highlighting it for everyone to see is a lost cause.

Fitness wise, I am not at all in a very good shape.

Things is, some think fitness is always at stationary status and therefore result in a misconception that being the fit will stay fit and the unfit will always remain immobilized at that state.

Everything, all said and done linked to this delicate pride and ego issue.

I admitted in my own cocoon that it was I one of my lowest fitness point in my life but to bare the inconvenient fact for all to see?. ah..i’m not sure wether I’m up for that. Let me underline it again; pride and ego issue.

A simple reminder did it. Man, we’re all human beings, with insecurities, extra baggage,and all other complex issues and its perfectly fine to show it all off because ,heck, we all have it.

All in all. I want more treks like this. The ones that are not only offer magnificent views, but also serve as eye openers too. Mr Tan, your RM 100 was all worth it.

P/s : Gunung Irau is located in Cameron Highlands.It is famed for its mossy forests that looked like it was cut from a fairytale story book and had also been known as the set choice for the movie Puteri Gunung Ledang .

    I left this place centuries ago and so forth,the rythm havent kicked in for me. To straight away continue and pick up the pieces from a place long abandoned felt foreign and i’m very unsurprised at how slow i’m typing due to reluctantly-coming out thoughts.I could not believe this was once a place i’m personally proud of and looking back at it after such awhile, a sheer wave of embarassment run through.

I bet people who sees me right this moment would have thought bad of me,seeing how crimson red i went as if ‘m looking stuff on the internet thats, ehem, inapproppriate.Little do they know, i was just looking at my blog.

Well, at least i’m shaking my head real hard so that the the state of the place that i’m looking at right this instant  will be just a delusion.

Ah, sod it. As much as i’m trying to conceal that it was i, after all , who wrote the next few lines ( coming in the next few sentences), it’s a futile effort all the way anyway because heck, people know i own this place. so when u read after this and scrutinize about how poor the writing is, please, please, dont try to imagine whats my expression like, or even better, imagine of me because u dont want to remember an image of me going a darker shade of crimson…. ( wincing)

BUKIT TABUR

    We started warming up at 9.30 a.m.

Warming up.

By the time we were halfway to the peak, it was freakin’ 11.00 a.m on a toasting Saturday afternoon. Even though the view was sunshinely magnificent where the whole KL can be witnessed minus the smog, but if everytime you take a breather expecting to relax yourself and you cannot acheive that little objective 100 percent since the extreme heat did a commendable job in its lets-not-make-farah-sit-still mission, it kindof left a bad smudge on a nicely decorated cloth of experience
( Aside,my most defining moment was getting to see the whole aerial IIUM’s campus and the whole melawati area).I was thinking wether hulu yam has this very high hills where i can climb up to capture how my school looked like in birds view.But then i remembered the tangki air, and the whole hill thing immediately become unnecessary.

But hey, when i thought back at how the trek was still rocky as ever, forever jagged and always vertically sloped;nothing could beat that.

CIMP TALENT NITE.

    One of the many plus points of having foreign lecturers is no, not the awe and the cool-factor of being taught by Canadians. Trust me,that part of novelty ran out after the second week finished.  Rather, its more because of their inhibited nature. If the work includes making a fool of themselves, they will do it with pride. Some even think its fun.

The lecturers surprise performance was aptly titled " The Secret Lives of CIMP Lecturer’s ", basically telling a story of what they do outside school.Now, that was fine.

But if u have lecturer’s , who’re ure used to them saying stuff like, " the assignments due on Monday via soft copy before 4.00 p.m" strutting on stage wearing shiny red boxing shorts and wrestling each other, wearing a full set diving gear and pretending to dive, hip-hopping with a Tina Turner wig and black leather skirt ( i had the most shock at the sight of my chemistry teacher), pretending to be a sissy hairstylist, kung fuuing, roller-blading, singing patriotic songs,and catwalking are reasons worthy enough to shout for.

ah, they’re a great sport.

CIMP PROM NIGHT.

I ‘m going to succintly put it like this.

IT WAS A BIG TOWN OF CRAPPYVILLE THAT ALSO HAPPENS TO BE DARK UNTILL PEOPLE CANT EVEN SEE THEIR FOOD.

Okay, ive been to many dinners and even organised one in MPH ( which people only had to pay only 10 rgt), but this one does not justify at all my RM 65.Not even half.

The decorations are real classy, expensive-looking but the prom itself, erm.. it didn’t have heart.

Look, a bad dinner might be real sucky but i can still swallow it if i felt that the organizers really treated it like it was their own little project. You can always feel it no? If a thing or a project belonged to someone, that there are a bunch of people out there who will still be proud of it even though its sucky. And i will still swallow it because i knew how it felt when u organise and plan something wholeheartedly and not only it does not go to plan, it went completely in disarray.

See, the key word here is wholeheartedly.

What i want was, there will be someone who felt real bad and curse himself at how terrible the whole night went. Because,even though it went terribly, theres still  heart involved.

That night, i can safely bet no one felt bad.
Except for the attendees.

FINAL EXAM

Nerve racking week.
Now, its the same case, plus the agony of waiting and not knowing.

FORECAST

1. Got to finish printing circa 60 certificates and get them signed by Advisor and Student Service Department Director before Thursday night.

2. G. Irau climbing ( the mossy forest ) in Cameron Highlands

3. SAHABAT garden barbeque dinner at Mont Kiara. Have to get all 50 members pay 30 rgt before Tuesday. The host are breathing upon my neck for the deposits. Well, it seems everyone is breathing upon my neck, Ustazah, Ali, Mr Tan, the committe…

4. Class party at a lecturer’s place.

5. Graduation Day

Everything, believe it or not, will happen ( with God’s will ) concurrently in one week.

* This is a story about how the author tries to convince Dad about the wonders of mountaineering.

Author:" You got to see the whole view of Seremban, even the Malacca’s straits!

( this is when she just came back from G. Datuk)"

Dad: " Why, i just use Google Earth  "

And thats why i say Dad is the most sensible fella. He always makes a good point.

And i mean it literally.

Belongings doesnt seem to like me. Universally, i am acknowledged as the worst forgetter ( is there such a word) in the whole world. If there is such a job forgetting things, i would climb up the corporate ladder and become the CEO in a flash.Add that to my serious ignorance issues ( i had serious discussion about this with a fellow friend) then i am champ definitely in the department.

Maybe thats why belongings have a penchant to dissappear within my care. I have not given them enough love, care and attention.

Recently, ( now not too recent) my handphone broke down. Fine. but i never have the urge to get a new one regardless of all the trouble that i caused to those wh
o wanted to contact me.

then i get a new simcard, which i have to add my friend bought it and gave it to me. Fine. But i dont seem to bother to register the number untill now.

In the end, my handphone is left lying around at home beacuse i considered that communication is not that important when it is.

Last Tuesday, i lost my wallet. yes, the whole package including ID card, student card, ATM card, Touch and Go card , ( this one pisses me off because I JUST RELOAD THEM), library card and license. Three days have passed and i dont feel anything other than feeling bothersome because now i had to carry coins ( which i had saved meticulously) everywhere i go since i had no money and ATM card).Also, i felt a little frustrated because i cannot claim all the deposits after i finished CIMP since my student card and library card were no longer with me.But thats about it, no remorse, or sad or anything of the sort. If i cannot survive, maybe then i broke down but the problematic thing is , i am still alive.

If anything can make me cry, that must be really BIG.Like if i cannot get rice when i always eat rice at home ( i foresee this event in the next coming years).Or i cannot eat because i dont have any money and i feel really, really hungry.

Untill now,i havent called the bank to cancel my card, lodge a police report for my missing ID, go to the JPJ to get a new license,or even informing the college that i lost my student card

See, seriousness of an incident doesnt down on me very well. Some say that they are jeaolus with me because i have no feelings and i will stay comfortably relaxed and calm even if the house crumbles down.But sometimes , we need to care.Less sensitivity  had its own disadvantages, say, i will never know that people are mad at me unless they told me right in the face " You make me mad".Once, i had a big fight with a friend, but the next day i just came up to her and making small talk as if nothing happened. Realistically guys, of course after fighting you must be in no-talking terms for three days but save for my insensitivity, i just dont see the need to prolong something of less importance rather than asking the girl wether she wants to go eat at DM first or pray first.

Someone please try to make me come to my senses that losing a wallet is a serious issue. Same as not having a hostel card for nearly a year now. And also for not having a handphone.

P/s - If there is a moment that i hated time the most, it will be during calculus test.

Title : Why British think 80% of M’sians coming to UK to study law?

UK Immigration Officer: Purpose of visit?

Visitor: I’m here to study law, sir.

Officer: You know, you must have a lot of lawyers in Malaysia .

Visitor: Why do you say that?

Officer: Well, i’ve been here for a good twenty years, and I’d say 80%
of Malaysians I see here say they’re here to read law.

Visitor: Oh, really? That’s really something i never knew. Hard to
believe in fact.

Officer: Just you watch, then. You just stand here until the next
Malaysian comes along, and I’ll bet he’s here to read law.

*Visitor waits for 5 mins, Ah Chong from Malaysia comes to immigration
counter*

Officer: Mr. Ah Chong, purpose of visit?

Ah Chong: Study lorr…

hoho.manglish i like.

Well, of course, i got to eat and drink and sleep too.

One might notice that lately,my pictures all looked like it was cut from an enviromental magazine., i.e, Me in the forest. Me on a tree. Me ascending a hill. Me in tracksuits. Me beside a lake. Me feeding a raccoon.It got so obvious so much so that at one point a good friend aptly remarked;
  " How eco.."

I can imagine people thinking "How did cik farah ni become Jane from Tarzan?" ( minus the sarong)

I have no idea. The Trekking Club had never appealed to me before, but on one fateful day i decided that i felt a little ‘gemok’ and unfit and so there.Other sports were all conquered by guys as always. ( or anak orang kaya girls who think that tudung-clad girl suit a better role as a pengangkat bola ‘out’).

I had a good start too, unlike few unlucky students who unfortunately went to a hard trip on their first time which discourage the faint hearted.My first trip was a magnificent waterfall, with rocks and boulders littering  around and the water freezing that can easily put an aircond at 16 degrees celcius to shame.The whole concept of trekking also felt convenient to me because the need to dress up and prim yourself is cast aside. I get dirty, you get smelly, we are ALL equal in the forest, hahaha.As my friends will testify to this, i scored below average in the grooming department anyway so trekking works to my advantage.

Post-sunway, where everything is convenient and fanciful untill one can be delivered drinking water if fancied a drink,I am aware that my whole body practically cried for me to break a sweat, ( cross country stamina terbang pegi mane ntah, walking up flight of stairs pon result in breathing difficulties) but i am uncomfortable with the idea of doing excercise literally. Say, " I went to the gym twice a week" or " I jog every morning"  or " Yoga helps me keep calm".

Rase macam bagus.Psychological-wise, its too predictible and stereotypical because  you do an activity  knowing whats going to happen which in some ways, i thought, sapping up all the fun. Ever reckoned why people never stick to their excercise regime? Exactly my point.

But if i go trekking,no, no,no..i am not excercising, i am travelling to Johor, Perak and Pahang. I am hanging out without my friends on the road. I am  having fun splashing at the Chilling waterfalls.I am eating out at a great mamak stall.I am on top of the world ( on top of a mountain). I am admiring the sunrise/sunset.

You see,trekking is a shrewd way of getting excercise without putting the mind conciously aware that you’re are excercising. The genius of subtle excercise had won me over apart from the fun-loving company.Besides, my tennis sparring partner had settled and loving it in Melbourne while i think i am the sole girl in the whole CIMP to be enthusisatic enough about basketball.

    In a rather surprising turn of events, i never considered myself much of an enviromentalist.Exposed to flora and fauna as i am, i rather have a nice morning walk rather than joining angry protesters flashing "GREENPEACE" sign in front of a whale hunting vessel. I havent reached to that extent yet or maybe i never wanted to. Trekking was supposed to be a light and stress-free activity and i dont intend to turn it into some serious enviromental activism.A sensible reason why i thought camping is a hassle in the first place, with all the packing , unpacking and organizing not to mention the laundry load to be done.

If you want to light a campfire, by all means do. Just remember to put it out by nightime if you dont want to burned alive.

For now,
Future trekking plans.

1. 21 april-Bukit Tabur, Taman Melawati
2. 28 April-Gunung Irau-Brinchang-Berembun, Cameron Highlands
3. Somewhere in May- Gunung Bujang Melaka, Kampar
4. Somewhere in June-Gunung Tahan, Pahang
5. No tentative date- Gunung Swettenham, Cameron Highlands.

P/S : Sometimes i just wish there is a debate culture in CIMP like in
KYUEM. Apparently so, its inexistent for now.I miss interjecting and
say "P.O.I. sir!"

" minggu ini minggu pengajaran,
  segala penyesalan memanglah padan,
tempat ini menguji iman,
hati gundah mengapa demikian?"

" sambil bersantap teringatkan lagu,
tidak mengapa cuma masalahnya satu,
segala perbuatan lagu bertamu,
khusuk’ terbang kemana tak tahu"

" sifat malas mencengkam diri,
tahu salah; berdiam diri,
perlu bantuan kanan dan kiri,
harus kembali pada Ilahi"

" rezeki banyak,nikmat melimpah,
tapi gerangan semakin lemah,
tak arif cara, pandanglah! lihatlah!
tak senang duduk, berdiri tak betah"

" menggompol azam sehabis kudrat,
pohon istiqamah munculkan diri,
harapan tinggi membaiki yang cacat,
minggu hadapan membawa seri"

P/s : "kehadapan teman yang ingin tahu,
          seraya cuma nak memberitahu,
          diri sengaja berbahasa melayu,
          lama tinggal menggunung rindu"

I am aware that the going-ons around me does not look pretty.
My fellow countrymen in the southern part of Johor is in dire straits because of the flooding waters.

The possibility of both the wreckage and the passenger boarding the crashed Adam Air to be sighted is apparently below par.( think deep ravines and thick forests)

The bombings in Baghdad reached the 9 per day average mark.

The toll rates rose, the ikan kembong price per kilo is more than one whole chicken, the fuel price rockets. Practically everything is rising except for our salaries.

The Muslims in Palestine is still broiling in civil war.The massacre in Darfur continues.

Commenting on above events,I have nothing but my heartfelt condolences to those who are involved.
This is a pricky problem we all face. We have only condolences, maybe donate a dollar or two but nothing beyond that.

I like to call it " the close proximity involvement syndrome".Unless a tragedy befall upon my family or myself, or within my area , i will continue to say " oh, kesiannye" and quickly turn to the sport section and forgetting instantly by the flick of a page the news about the dead child  sufffocated by a pillow .

As long as my hometown is not in Johor, i dont live in Baghdad, my father still buying the groceries, and i dont have car; the lost of my pendrive ranked more as a cause for sulking  rather than hardcore poverty in Somalia.
Reality check: we are vain, people.

This is not a campaign  to suggest people seek trouble but i as pondered at the malay saying , "Dah terhantuk, baru nak tergadah" (which carry an i-told-u-so sentiment.), maybe we need to be " terhantuk"  so that we can "tergadah" and only then we "sedar and insaf".
The mat rempits terrorising the night life with death-defying stunts? Maybe we just need to let them be.Encourage accidents, maybe tolerate a death or two so that fellow survivors can have a feel at what are they in for looking at their dead friend’s brain fragments scattering on the road.A bit Machiavelian indeed, but its time to stop wasting taxpayers money anymore and the overworked police officers’ time.

Sometimes, tragedies are needed to reflect everything that we have taken for granted. To wake us up from the mollycuddling of modern comforts.
Stuff as trivial as cutleries,mattresses and mere kicap had never been important as before. Just ask the flood victims who now cant even eat without a proper plate.

okay,enough lecturing.I need to find my pendrive.

Writer’s say: Fatah and Hamas, would you guys please stop fighting, you are giving a bad image to Islam.