oh-so-takot
So Crash wins best picture in the Oscars.
A guy friend of mine insisted me on me watching Crash because , according to him, " the most honest film ever made,a one-of-a-kind," and this occurence, of course,happpened before the Oscars.
If truth be said,considering last night revelation of glamourous events,i’m afraid i have to go through the whole i-told-u-so routine with him for the coming days because i’ve placed my betting on brokeback mountain.
Recently, i forced myself to keep being busy, to keep my mind of things, say,painstakingly pegi Bangi for driving training when ada jerh driving school nearby.( that particular tempat takde orang, tiap2 hari boleh train if want to), juggling a few jobs, belanja all my family ( baru dapat gajilah katakan..), appointment with stranger no 1 in Pandan Indah and of course, blogging.
Hence, in between those places, about 45% of my time is spent either in the PUTRA LRT, KOMUTER , STAR, or the PUTRA feeder bus.( and maximising my Touch N Go card along the way) and by the time i got home,the extensive movement had put a toll on my body,i’ll flat out just right after isyak’.
End of one day.
It kinda worked, my focus tend to go elsewhere( i.e. my fast vanishing money, the bloody always late bus, how to get back when salah naik tren..) rather than the SPM results.
Only when an e-mail came from a girl friend about the up and coming results , the nervous jibes came kicking in my stomach.
Up untill Monday, i never really thought about it, to be serious , i’ve even fogotten that ada lagi jap , satu , dua , tiga,.. ape? 5 hari jerh lagi results berbentuk SPM nk kluar..
Now, i realised, low self -confidence is wreaking havoc in my helpless mind.
After the UTP/Petronas incident, i’m afraid to put my hopes all high and dizzying for fear to be dissappointed once again.
Fear of wether if i can pay back my parents.
Fear wether i’m qualified to justify all the hardwork from my teachers.
Funnily, i fear more of dissappointing everyone else around me rather than myself.
All my reasons of fear is based on people around me, when supposedly , it should be based on me, my preparations, my efforts, my will, my perfomance.
But its not there, i believe i dont really care about my results if not there are people whos responsible for what and where i am today, and i ,am forever indebted to them.
Some say, i am terlalu baik, and people take advantage of me.
My dad even complained of my tendecy to work for anyone who begs me before asking about the rate and payment.
" It doesnt work that way in the real world, kaklong,"
Yes ayah, i know that but somehow, i dont really feel like being taken into advantage when people did.Mainly because of my principles,
1. Always husnuzon( thank u dollah) or bersangka baik.Like, if c in asrama still have a girl kt tgh gelap2 when everyone else sumer dh setengah jam start prep, dont jump into negative conclusions, like, nh mesti mencuri ke ponteng ke. maybe she overslept, and no one woke her up, and when she did, asrama dh gelap gelita, and she’s scared of both being left in the darkness and alone and scared of being caught and pagar kunci.And when she’s sampai kelas, suzam ada,lecturing her, and tomorow supposed to be exam math modern.i mean, she already misd half an hour of prep, give her a break!( based on personal experience)
2.Try being in the persons shoes.
3. This is their day, my day will come in the future.
And i think i should stop. Its growing on me into a habit.Which is a problem.
I dunno.
P/s: My driving instructor said my style of driving is perceived as ‘ dangerous’.
March 7th, 2006 at 8:38 pm
nani,
now i’m reading yr blog with cikgu roslynda… horror tak… i showed her yr blog and she asked, ada tak mention pasal kimia. so i showed the archive where u mentioned about the sms time could be effectively transformed to reading kimia bab jadual berkala.
and this is the message from c.roslyndawati. she said, ‘nani, please do an essay on any topics related to chemistry form 4 or form 5…’ if u dont do it, she wants to kecik ati with you… gempak tak…. hahahahahahahahhaaaaa
out of topic: yr driving tu memang mula2 camtu le… lama2 takpenye… takde sape start dah terernye…
also from c.roslynda, good luck for spm, in case she’s not around.(i bet she will, since she’s the guru tingkatan form 5 iman)
i think it is a good thing 4u to have so many things in yr mind so that u’ll get distracted from the oh-so-takot- spm results. good luck nway…:)
March 7th, 2006 at 9:06 pm
ey, us shud show her my Fiiiiirst entry, january issue, aderh i quote her i think,
March 7th, 2006 at 11:55 pm
look,look!!it’s a bird,it’s a plane,it’s NANI THE DANGER DRIVER!!!!wakaka…that cracks me up.but seriously nani,i can sympathise pasal the hassle of salah naik tren,especially star lrt.when i 1st started using it i kept accidentally getting on the sentul tren instead of the sri petaling tren.pastu when i wanted to get off and switch trains i had to explain to the orang yang jaga kat situ.huh.anyways,it looks like i’ll be seeing u at school in a few days.hope we both get good results.
March 8th, 2006 at 2:19 am
hullo nani,looks like we’re all oh-so-worried about the coming spm results.Im restless and i really cant stop imagining the worst(nauzubillah)So,in line with that,wish me you luck and wish u luck.see you at school nanti,and belanja me with ur well-deserved salary!!
see ya!
March 8th, 2006 at 6:16 am
weelei…hehe..ur principle’s cool dowh..theres nuthin wrong wif bein nice as long as u make urself cautious n they dun backfire u lah!hehe..wargh!as a debater ur not suppose to ave low self confidance gurl!suprise u ave one..huhu..though irving pon same gak..tapi dier tu perfectionist skett so no wonder la…hehe..klu aku,im not really worried bout results,but im worried bout de scholar interviews..hehe..o..gud luck eyh gurl…keep in touch ok?even if ur at overseas..=p
March 11th, 2006 at 12:05 am
hey nani! long time i’ve never write anythin in ur blog kan? miss me? ahaks! dun worry, everytime aku bukak internet(read: masa aku balik umah every weekend coz intec nye comp haramkan kitorg bukak frenster. hampeh!) the first thing i will do instead of checking my e-mail n frenster i will definitely read urs n aijud’s blog. SERIUS! but tak le sgt nak bg comment. dun haf enuf time la.( im so jealous with people like u who can just simply n easily rite anything in english. but me, haiyo…take such a long time to find a word to make a sentence! ) hehe. anyway, dun be so worrid la bout ur result. i beliv u will do great just like aijud n dun be so inferiority complex about the petrns interview. coz as what i can c rite now, it seems like im having such a horrible n terrible time all this while and experiencing such a very2 low confidence entire my life. ey, help me plz. shud i continue with petronas or not? i just dun think that i can survive in the engineering field. y maths suddenly turns out to be so DIFFICULT? haiyo…y i dun experiencing such a happy life like others ek? em, maybe dugaan allah.
March 11th, 2006 at 3:12 am
difficult? man, remind me not to take up engineering olrite?
i dunno, depending on ur result,then u decide, but ..knowing u salwani,u always complain when the thing is really not that bad. paranoid eh?
u sound really unhappy in intec. remember,u’re already bound for australia!!be happy for that thought!patience..just for another bloody two years..