inferiority complex thy suffer…

I would love to talk about the Irau experience and its wondrous fantasy-like vegetation, but weighing back,  I would have to give it a pass and talk about matters that are much  more important.

I want to talk about how Farah Hanani learnt a big lesson to never, ever, ever underestimate the willpower of humans.

I’ve trekked in the dark before and I have to confess it was not one of the most pleasant experience I’ve ever had. When Irau demands another dark trek, dread awaits in form of knots in my stomach.

Danger, impaired-vision, frustration, energy-sapping, impatience, a bruised back , extreme hunger, nefarious bumps on head-these are all my loving memories of the last night trek, with nothing on the back.

Now, imagine my swallowed air when the majority chose to trek anyway, even though the day was getting dark, and the loads are full and pressing our back with a vengeance. The set of people that makes the majority are mostly first-timers, and my seasoned air persona lurched out with worry. Do they realize what they are getting their feet in?

This is when the lesson starts.

Halfway to the muddy ,wet and dark trek, a sense of déjà vu’ one by one began to take shape.

First, Hidayat falling down over and over again.

Second, the leading pact extends its gap so much I began to hate people around me

(Darkness can do wonders with your emotion)

Third,  the sense of worry wether the first times are becoming to regret trekking for life having to endure such arduous experience in exchange with comfy beds and feeling guilty since the champion of any trekking-related  cause was in fact, me.

Fourth, my torchlights ran out of batteries and the frustration of having to rely on others source of light made me hate trekking for that one little moment, once again.

Shortly, we stopped for a breather.

Mr Varga (after assessing the dark night, sprawling roots and mud as deep as quicksand):

“Now, we turn back or continue?”

The answer was a resounding “CONTINUE”.

Miss Litman even emphasized the collective feelings by chirping “Turn back? Are you kidding me?”

Lesson no 1- Being overly-protective might not be in everyone’s’ interest.

Humbly, I have to confess, I was among the silent dissenters from the pact continuing the journey. Apart from the reason that I would like to see the how would have the forest looked like ( it was a different type of forest see, a mossy one), and it was obviously easier to have perfect vision during the day, it was also perhaps a matter of me being overly protective.

In pursuit to shield others from the ugly side of trekking; the exhaustion, the inconvenience, the dirt, the hassle, I forgot that we are after all human beings who are confident, adaptable, inconceivable species.

Some might think its an act of underestimation but little did they know that I was in truth, afraid.

Afraid that I will be subject of people’s fury for sweet talking into involving them for a bitter ride.

Afraid because I had deceived them it is not always a bed of roses as portrayed. I had witness a living poof of a faltering spirit before. And it wasn’t at all pleasant .Even though he never did admit or talk about it, the poof that he never joined any of our treks afterwards were enough to be understood. The tricky part was, once you have seen an innocent fell victim to the deception , I don’t want anyone else to feel the same way too.

Hence, my catious posture towards newbies.

Because what they had seen are beaming faces, water-splashing, team strengthening, fun-filled  activities of trekking seen though a commercial-like slide show and word of mouth which are waaay far from reality.

But I forgot this little fact that there are people who came back for more and didn’t think at all, that the whole journey was a deception. It was in fact, a time of their lives. And the people who came along for the first time might as well be one.

Throughout journey, I’m aware myself for being awfully quiet for I was a bit uncomfortable with the expenses being paid by someone else and I thought it was a little unfair. If one cant afford one, act like one.

It was a last minute call of decision, and frankly speaking , I am not at all prepared mentally and physically.

The shoes was two size too big ( Dad’s), the cotton pants, the reluctant mother’s approval, the motion sickness, the empty wallet….

Lesson no 2- Stop making excuses and admit it.

Here I go again, yakking like an old-grandmother.

As of late, the escapism mode was in use quite frequently because it was a hard pill to swallow if I say it out loud that I am not at all psyched to go.

Mainly because I am neglecting another responsibility, which I had been neglecting for so long. The chance to make up coincide with my dream Irau experience and therefore scaling up Irau, I dragged along a baggage which I think affected the mood.

Lesson no 3- The balancing act of accepting weakness and not highlighting it for everyone to see is a lost cause.

Fitness wise, I am not at all in a very good shape.

Things is, some think fitness is always at stationary status and therefore result in a misconception that being the fit will stay fit and the unfit will always remain immobilized at that state.

Everything, all said and done linked to this delicate pride and ego issue.

I admitted in my own cocoon that it was I one of my lowest fitness point in my life but to bare the inconvenient fact for all to see?. ah..i’m not sure wether I’m up for that. Let me underline it again; pride and ego issue.

A simple reminder did it. Man, we’re all human beings, with insecurities, extra baggage,and all other complex issues and its perfectly fine to show it all off because ,heck, we all have it.

All in all. I want more treks like this. The ones that are not only offer magnificent views, but also serve as eye openers too. Mr Tan, your RM 100 was all worth it.

P/s : Gunung Irau is located in Cameron Highlands.It is famed for its mossy forests that looked like it was cut from a fairytale story book and had also been known as the set choice for the movie Puteri Gunung Ledang .

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